♥ Princessa's Royal Diary ♥ - Royalty has never been so PINK!

Something off the topic. I'm having a horrible headache now (literally having an headache not a figure of speech). My brain feels like it's about to explode. Duh.

Back on track...

Amazing. How much blood can one person disperse a day? Can vomited blood be sold for cash? Can it be recycled?

LoLx~ Guess not. Afterall, the blood doesn't seem fresh, doubt it is of much use to other. Not even vampires I reckon.

It's weird. The past few days haven't really vomited at all. Today out of the blue, after taking medicine, I actually threw up again. And grossly, it's all red, with the pills within it. Damn, the pills are kinda expensive. I had this really gross thought. I should pick the pills, wash them, and consume it again. Just a thought though, imagine really picking something (edible of cause) from the toilet bowl and putting it back into your mouth. Simple disgusting.

* Too gross and I didn't bring down my handphone, thus, I didn't take a photo of the horrid sight...

Back to the topic, I guess my condition isn't getting any better. I probably should go to the hospital as advised. However, money is of an issue and of cause the fear of finding out in more details is another factor.

I've been trying to avoid the fact for the past 3 weeks. Apart from avoiding this matter, I've also been avoiding the world (other then Winnie-jie and Xeiral on MSN), which includes people at work.

For the first week, I seem a little in daze. After a bad conversation (or rather an argument), I decided to bo chup (take things easy) and just take each day as it comes. I've been pretending that everything is fine, happily doing what I do, day in day out.

After this evenings horrid sight. I guess avoiding isn't solving anything. I'm undeniably pathetic and useless. Can't solve my own problems and can't solve other people's problems as well. Maybe being terminated isn't such a bad thing.

Yesterday I called up to fix an appointment at NUH as referred. The earliest admission date was February 4, 2007, either that or after Chinese New Year. Or if I somewhat faint again, I can go in through A&E. Anyway, I didn't actually confirm the appointment, but I guess now I should. Choices, choices, choices. Life is always full of difficult choices isn’t it?

Sigh. I wonder who would be kind enough to visit while I suffer through the injections, medication and endless tests. I should prepare a huge pot of my delicious porridge, it was said to be quite good (self-praises).

I do not sound sad or anything like that. I AM NOT EMO!

I'm facing my problems, without being able to do anything about it, happily passing each day, cause I have no other choice, and bravely accepting my fate, which could be horrible.

WHO AM I KIDDING? I'm terrified. I dreamt my fairy-lings dead, and now in reality I'm somewhat dying too (hopefully not). What the hell did I do to deserve this? I blame it on karma but how the hell did I get this karma? I didn't indirectly/directly kill or badly harm anyone before! I may not be a saint but I'm not close to a devil yet. I've accepted bad relationships, I've accepted financial difficult, and I've accepted family problems. Now I've gotta accept that I'm puking blood (more and more each day), seeing the doctor every 2 weeks, having to take tons of medication, asthma attacks, heart something (last checkup I was asked to do a ECG), and blah blah blah?

GIVE ME A BREAK!