I seriously don't understand the point of it all. Who is to judge who's the kid and who's the adult? Everyone has to go through childhood before reaching adulthood, so why is it such a big deal if I do not wish to grow up in terms of behavior?

I admit I react childishly most of the time, you don't have to tell me, I've always been aware of it. It has always been my choice to do so. Why? There's no why. Let me return the question, why do I want to grow up so quickly?

In the world of the adults, it is a cruel battle. One trying to overrule the other, striving for fame and fortune. After being surrounded by "adults" for so long, I've realized I am not ready to take that huge step.

I've considered this fact, am I actually having the mere maturity of a kid or am I choosing to behave so? After such a long term of self-deception, sometimes I wonder if I'm still deceiving myself or that I've inhabited the personality unknowingly.

Ah. Who cares. Kid or adult, I'm me, I don't find the need to please others. :)

There's something that I've been holding on for so very long, till now I still can't 100% let go. Fortunately, I'm somewhat a good actress, I can continue pretending with ease. One day my act will become reality and that might probably be the day that I'm ready to face the harsh reality.

* I turn to God, confessing my sins. I wish to follow your guidance and gain redemption.

PS: There isn't a point trying to understand what I'm trying to say. I don't exactly understand what I'm typing either. Someone told me just today, sometimes it's best to pretend ignorance. And honestly, that's my best act. :)

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