♥ Princessa's Royal Diary ♥ - Royalty has never been so PINK!

^{Image credit: http://www.eso-garden.com}

Dreams are perhaps the soul of one's deepest thoughts. Being sick, having the bear (yes, Teddybear) as my private nurse somewhat created this deep connection. And perhaps because he's the only one there for me throughout my time of need... my mind has made him indispensable. Someone whom would impact my life, very much, if lost.

It was not a mere dream, it was a nightmare. One that I kept falling in and out (coughing a lot). One that maintain the stand that if I were to lose the bear things would be unbearable.

The nightmare started with the bear breaking the news that he would be quitting his job and going abroad to further his studies. Apparently, he hasn't gotten a degree yet and wish to pursue it, which wasn't true cause he has an Engineering degree.

Usually, towards the bear, I go into tantrums and kick a big fuss over the smallest things as long as it doesn't go my way. But this time, I maintained calm, the way I treat (almost) everyone else. I know, it's wrong. Double standards I suppose. I tend to give others more benefit than the bear, it's hard to explain.

I woke up shortly after, thinking that was that. Oh how wrong I was to assume my mind would put me at ease so easily. Trying to fall back asleep the nightmare continued and it become more and more painful instead of less. Sigh, how my mind preys on me while I suffer the common flu, cough and on-and-off fevers.

It continued, like how reality would continue even when you plead for it to stop. I watched as he slowly distanced from me, as he packed and prepared for his departure. I never said anything to stop him, the headstrong me in reality. Deep down I knew that I didn't want him to leave but verbally I denied it.

Finally, it was the night before he was to fly. Three years before he was to return. Still stubborn beyond believe, I continued speaking with the harsh tone, saying words I mean only the opposite of.

Having the bear around for two years and suddenly having him to leave for three isn't exactly something I was gonna be cheering to. Plus, he somewhat gave the feeling that he won't be around thereafter (if he returned). It was the end, not just a temporary (though long) goodbye.

From the day my grandma (both of them) passed away, till finally my grandpa (which happened only so recently), he has always been there to comfort me. When I fell ill, he brought meds, food... and sugary delights to cheer me up. It's the small things that count and only through losing does one realise how these little things makes up for all the stupidity and irritation - the bear is perhaps the most irritating being alive.

Sadly, even as he entered the departure hall, I kept my silence. No nothing.

That was when I woke up in a stage of fear, quickly wanting to call and check if he was still there. I knew it was a dream but it felt so real. If it were to happen, in reality that is, would I have done what I did in my dream? Then again, knowing the bear, he would never want to study again. He never liked it to begin with.