♥ Princessa's Royal Diary ♥ - Royalty has never been so PINK!

Surprise, surprise, SURPRISE! I've finally bought new shoes! And my dear picked them for me!

Take a look at the beauties!

Let me see... Blue Cheese Media...

Honestly have not heard about this company or magazine name in my whole entire life. Still the position offered is tempting. After all, it's freelance, I get to write (which has become my ultimate hobby) and I might probably get paid for it? Okay, so it's not so much about the getting paid for it. It's more like a chance to be able to actually write for the public and they actually read it. I mean, if you buy the magazine, you probably read it right? Not that I'm confident of getting appointed, but it's worth a try? What are my chances of writing for other magazines anyway?

So the topic of the admission short article is on my favorite food. Damn, why do I not have a blog entry on that? I love to dine yet I've never actually written an entry about dinning of the food served. Tsk tsk...

How should I begin? "Once a upon a time..." Duh obviously not!

I'm going to start work at SDV International Logistics tomorrow morning at 9am, and end at 6pm. Sigh. I have to work 9 hours a day, in total. And the worst to it is, if I think I’m not suitable for the position, I still have to tolerate it for at least 3 months! What positions I'll be working as? Well, just a mere Customer Service Officer nothing fantastic.

The thought of this whole, "I’m going to work soon", is somewhat stressing me out. I haven’t exactly enjoyed enough of my studying life. Unfortunately, it’s something that has to be done. I need at least 3 years of real working experience to be able to graduate later on, and get a good job. No one is actually willing to pay 2-3k for a fresh graduate, and that is my expected salary, eventually. So as sad as I am for having to leave the life of a full time student, this is a choice I had to make.

I'm starting to question myself, what is the purpose of studying? Well, the basic aspects of studying is to get a certification that can aid to getting a relatively well paid job. I agree to this concept and reason for a basic education, but it still makes me think the eventual purpose of it altogether?

Would you rather study something of interest or something that would eventually give you a better prospect in life? What is my interest? The answer to it is limitless. My interest range towards basically all fields. What should my career path be? Where will my studies lead me to at the very end of everything?

I love to read, and I also love to write. But reading and writing, is that a field which I can actually move towards? If I major in Marketing, at the very end of my education, will it lead me to my goal of reading and writing? And throughout studying Marketing, what will I learn from this?

I've been thinking very hard about this question. The life of a student is great, you get to study and make friends along the way. But one day, after you have graduated, you will need to find a job and move towards a career. It's like a circle, each step you make curves the eventual future you lead.

First of all, I am never going to work in a club ever again. Unless of cause it under event coordination or a "bore-less" position. Seriously, that 7 hours working at Bar Baa Black Chic felt like 7 years. I could have doze off at any time.

Do some market survey. Have you seen the waitresses working at MU (Music Underground)? They don't go around constantly asking people that are dancing if they want a drink. If I'm the one dancing I'd probably feel annoyed. It's a standard practice in a club. If you want a drink, you go to the bar and get one yourself. How the hell do you keep track of who the hell ordered a drink and who the hell didn't? It's a club for god sake, not a pub. You should get "Tequila girls" to walk around instead of the waitresses.

Anyway, that's not really the main issue. The event was a failure and the crowd was minimum. It was simply boring. After some consideration, I actually walked up to Julian (the bartender) and told him I don't think I'm suitable for this position.

Government studies aside, shall continue them after I complete my private business degree. Which is a better choice? My brain hurts thinking...

Three (3) universities to pick from:

1. University of Bradford (UK) - MDIS
2. University of Southern Queensland (Aus) - Informatics
3. University of Wales (UK) - Informatics

The rest are alittle too expensive to waste money on for a private degree. Not that it's not under my considerations of cause. Still, these are my major choices, which is giving me a big headache.

Okay, now for work base.

1. EPT Pte Ltd (SMe)
2. SDV International Logistics (MNC)

The other jobs isn't going to give me much exposure or allow me to learn anything that is going to be usefull in the near future (like 2 years down the road.

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

It's time to accept reality and move on with it. Life is cruel and lonely, whether you accept it or not, that is the ultimate fact. You win some you lose some, sometimes you even lose more then you win or gain. This is all part of the ultimate plan in life. You need to gain this experience, accept it, and move on. This way you will be happy regardless what is going to happen, good or bad.

This few days I feel that I've drifted away from my boyfriend, and I think it goes the same for him. Whether or not I'm around doesn't seem important to him anymore, or I might be thinking too much. I have to admit, I usual think too much, so this might just be a sudden explosion of lack of attention. Yes I'm an attention seeker, especially from my boyfriend. Lately World of Warcraft has stolen my limelight, which is making me very frustrated.

All of a sudden I just feel so lonely, like there's only me and no us. I go out alone, watch television myself, and make decisions myself. I just hope that I could do all these stuff with someone else, preferably my boyfriend.

I'm jealous! Why? Com'on look at the photo and you tell me why!

Okay, this is not exactly an interesting entry. I must admit I was kinda stacking Priss's blog, hoping to see something that might, erm... relate to me? And yes, I found what I was looking for, kinda. Would have been much happier if MJ wasn't mentioned, I'm kidding, or maybe not. Anyway, I found what I was looking for, that's the main issue.

First of all let me say... What the hell! My email was down for GOD KNOWS how many days, probably the whole damn week. Damn! I have been sending out so many resumes, maybe some of them responded back but couldn't get through my email, and I lost the opportunity! Sheez...

Oh well, like a saying goes "no point crying over spilt milk". It was probably fated.

Another sad story would be, I didn't get a response from the Law Firm, Alain A. Johns Partnership. I probably didn't get the job, needless say. Oh well, back to the drawing board. Probably I should take a break this weekend, and start looking for a day job again, next week.

On the other hand...

I'll be working at Bar Baa Black Chic this saturday from 9pm to 4am! And after visiting their website, I reaslised there is an event up! I'm so sure this is going to be a somewhat interesting, but nevertheless, stressful night to remember.

I watched the movie about a month ago, according to this entry. So, guess why it took me so long to write this "review"?

No, no, don't make me say it!

Sigh, okay, since you insist. Well, my life may be, needless say, boring and somewhat pointless, but that's the least of what I can say about this movie. Get what I mean?

Take a look at the screenshot I took during our Zul'Gurub (ZG) run last night. I'm so, so, so, TINY! No, this is not an image-edited screenshot! :P

Like written in the title, "we strived to take down Panther boss but failed". If I'm not wrong, we made a total of 4 or 5 attempts. The best we did was to take him down till 8% before we wiped. We'd probably succeed the next round. :)

If I've not mistaken, I recall watching the news or something like that, that Singapore is trying to educate our people to speak Standard English. So I would presume that our frequent source of media, other then the magazines, Straits Times, should be backing up the government in their vision of Singaporeans, speaking Standard English and not "Singlish". - "Broken English"

Pointing the middle finger at someone is considered offensive, so how does that differ from saying "FUCK YOU" directly to another person? - Vulgarities

Well basically, I'm the queen of the world. All your earthlings bow to your queen! Everyone is stupid and ugly other then I, of cause. - Being obnoxious

My point? I don't understand why Straits Times came up with this whole "Star Blog" idea, and worst engaging Xiaxue to discuss her views.

Okay, I've lost my boyfriend to virtual reality. World of Warcraft is just way too addictive. The only time he would call is to tell me to come in game for a run. When I SMS him, he either reminds me to eat my lunch or dinner, or doesn't actually reply at all. When I call, he would probably be in game doing some quest. He isn't willing to talk to me for long because his neck is tired from positioning in an angle. Reason? Simply cause he is playing World of Warcraft and talking to me.

He doesn't care how my interview went, or whether or not I got the job. Yes, he listens to what I say, but usually my words go in from one ear and exits the other. Even when I'm at his place, we don't watch TV or spend actual time together anymore, it's always World of Warcraft.

And when I complain he calls me just to tell me to log on, he says it's the guild that asked him to ask me. So basically if they didn't ask him to ask me to log on, he wouldn't even bother. When I say I wanna log off and go to bed, he doesn't bother to persuade me to stay like he used to. Reason? Cause there are enough priest around, tons of people to heal him, my existence isn't all that crucial anymore.

I am so sure you have NO IDEA what this topic means, neither do I. Okay, I do, but I'm not going to spoon feed you to understand what I'm saying. Read between the lines if you must, and interpret it wrongly if you did, which I presume you might.

Back to the actual topic that I've started, "the UNKNOWN or probably KNOWN just me rejecting it".

Well, I'm going for a job interview in 15 mins time, knowing that I'd probably not make through the interview, yet not knowing the actual results. Still, there isn't any still.

I read a website or probably it's a weblog of a friend's boyfriend. In actual fact, I just read the tagboard or was it a guestbook, doesn't matter. Now I understand something, he is more then his appearance, appear to be. And yes, he is indeed rather well with his words, twisting and turning which literal reading makes no sense but with some thought makes tons.

A reflection of myself in the mirror, and I notice, well, nothing much at all in fact, just the image of me. Sigh.

I'm so very sure you're thinking I'm not making much sense. Here's a hint, this is not a happy, cheerful, kinda entry.

Oh yes! How can I almost have forgotten? Priss is back in Singapore! Not that it actually means anything, since she isn't going to meet up anyway. Nevertheless, she's back for at least the next 2 years, just that she promised her boyfriend she wasn't going to meet Mingjing or me.

Before I start blabbering the boring details of my WoW Life, just take a look at the screenshot I leeched from Atrocitas's guild website! This is definitely a 40 man raid!

Kewl right? Okay back to the topic at hand...

The life in World of Warcraft has returned to its normal status. Normal? Well, I'm back with the guild that I left just two days ago. Reason? Not so much of "where else could I go?" but more of "what else can I do?" after all my boyfriend there. And he sent me an invitation back, and I love him so much, so I accepted it.

I'm not so much into the game anymore, reality stroke me, and I had to proceed to entering the life of an working, "young adult". On my return, I was promoted back to my Guardian status, so the responsibilities of doing my part, reinstated.

First let me have the liberty of saying, "OH MY GOD"!

Last night I had this really weird dream, which also felt alot like a nightmare. I seriously can't differentiate it. The dream involved a "good girl friend" of mine, whom doesn't actually exist in real life, or probably I forgot who she was the moment I woke up, and my boyfriend. It was something like an affair between them, which I only discovered towards the end of my dream. And as a result of the discovery, they tried to steal everything I posses and run away.

What a scary thought. My boyfriend has been seriously addicted to World of Warcraft lately, and would rather spend all day online, then a moment with me. Maybe this "girl friend" of mine, isn't a girl at all, but the game itself?! My mind just visualised it as a human to make the dream more realistic. I mean, how can I visualise my boyfriend running away from me with a game!? That wouldn't make much sense, or feel, at all, scary.

On the other hand, the dream indicated that my boyfriend was claiming to be playing game at home, but he actually went out together with my "good girl friend", and met up with his (to me horrid) good friend, David. Basically whenever bad things happen, David would not be far from the scene.

Com'on man, you've got to be kidding with me. After going though all that trouble and the results? Well, at this current point in time, there are no results. So what am I blabbering about? Well, WHERE ARE THE RESULTS?!

I should have received a call from Gennet Auto today, informing me if my loan has been approved or declined. But no, not a word at all. I even SMSed to check with them, but Daniel (the sales person) didn't respond to it. So am I supposed to presume that it's a rejection?

Damn it, not that I'm actually that anxious to spend alot of money urgently. Still, the tension of not having an answer is simply causing an unnecessary thought in my mind.

TELL ME, TELL ME, YES or NO!!!

I'm seriously so out of date, this whole "STOMP - Star Blog" thingy was probably published in the newspapers decades ago. And only just, not recently, but just 15 mins ago, I came across it.

First let me introduce you to, STOMP, which stands for Straits Times Online Mobile Print. I don't think I need to elaborate much on the term "Star Blog", I suppose.

Quoted from Digital Life: Playing hardball

Top gamers are carving a name for themselves, drawing sponsorships even as they turn pro. But the business is not all fun, says LEUNG WAI-LENG

GAME GIRLS: Rachel "Pink" Ma, 25; Serene "GennyK" Yap, 26; Shivonne "Mystique" Yeo, 24; Carmen "Rinny" Lau, 21; and Angela "MadPrincess" Seow, 23 (bottom), are the RageFaction Girls.

It took me some time to think about how and what to make of Xperiences Network, and finally, coming out of my laziness, I decided to build up the web portal.

At the moment I've only done up the CMS (Content Management System for three sections (Home, Gaming and Lifestyle). The design is still a complete blank, and the addon modules have not been installed. Basically now my main issue is what information to input and how to build up the community base. There must be a main focus before continuing building other sections. Without a community base, it's not much of a portal to begin with. I'm thinking to start off by launching some game servers to gain some reputation, at the same time sell the services and gain some profit.

What do you think? Any suggestions? :P

I haven't been playing as much as I used to, and it's not the same as it was. I'm thinking that I probably made a bad decision with the whole merger thing in the first place that's why Rotena left the guild.

Seriously, I don't understand how some people do business, I ask specifically if I'm eligible for the purchase of the vehicle and they said yes. But when I went all the way down to the showroom (which is damn far from where I stay), they said I need this and that. What a complete waste of time! Damn it, some people don't understand simple english? Yeah, I guessed that's the only possible reason, either that or they just like wasting people's time.

Anyway, WorldMotor Enterprise is completely blacklisted in my dictionary.

On the other hand, Gennet Auto seems more sincere. However, they seem rather eager to sell of the car, which does give me some doubt. Nevertheless, after test driving a couple of vehicles, the Nissan March 1.0M does seem suitable.

Damn... I REALLY GOT NOTHING TO SAY!!! Sigh... SAD ARH!!!

Finally, after studying at Aussie for 1 year, Prissy is coming back to Singapore (but she still has to take a couple of modules at TMC to complete her degree, but still considered a Moash grad).

Sad, cause of a old mistake she made, now I end up carrying the burden. Okay, don't anyhow think, it's got seriously nothing to do with me and I'm so not les, I got a boyfriend, DUH.

Requested removal from Priss...

No more, meeting after school, weekly bitching session, shopping, KTV-ing, clubbing, and whatever we planned. Probably end up only getting to see her ONCE EVERY MONTH or worst...!

Okay for the past few days, I've been searching online for 2nd hand cars. So far the most suitable and within my budget range is the Nissan March 1.0A.

Well, I should have posted this like 2 days ago but I was too busy looking out for cars.

Anyway, I've been using StarHub's MaxOnline FlexiSurf 1500 for quite sometime, and a month or two ago suddenly it became MaxOnline FlexiSurf 4000 at the same price!

Damn it, I got my license for like 5 months already and I haven't been driving much. Before I got my license my mum made it sound like I could borrow the car like once in a blue moon, but that didn't end up well. I haven't even seen that bloody thing yet, needless to say driven it.

So, be it, the possibility of touching that thing is near 0.000000000001% or basically ZERO, it seems. Time to think of plan B, getting a cheap car that has an engine and four wheels.

See, I'm not that demanding right? So people out there, can you please forward me a possible selection that I can possibly purchase such a vehicle without the need of being an working adult and payment based on installment?

Accounting is the worst subject ever! I don't understand how the hell am I ever going to pass this module, and to make it worst I have "Principle of Accounting" and "Accounting", damn it!

I tried taking these 2 modules twice, and both times failing miserably. However, I did get at least a "B" for the assignment. Unfortunately, assignments are OPEN BOOK, and the exams aren't. Basically I have no damn idea how the stupid balance sheet works, and that is like the easy part of accounting. Okay, so I probably didn't put in much effort. My brain just doesn't want to absorb the damn rules and methods to do the damn calculations. Sigh.

First I'm going to apologise for being discrete about the conversation. Priss will so kill me if I spell every word out. Haha.

Anyway, she just had to reminded me of a disgusting, sick, and every bad characteristics of a person that you could find in a guy (who happens to be a primary school teacher) by the name, Andy! If I were even the power to let a person live or die, I would choose to have him hanged, literal!

Parents entrust schools to educate their children, but look at the kind of people engaged to educated these innocent kids. He is a disgrace to teachers as well as the human race altogether. He deserves nothing more then... basically he doesn't deserve anything at all!

Okay, I "think" I have mentioned before, my boyfriend likes to sleep talk regardless day or night. Now I've finally went through the trouble and video the evidence down so he won't keep saying I'm making it up. :)

As you can see, my dumb monkey is extremely addicted to World of Warcraft to the extend, he sleeps and talks about it. Haha!!!

Anyway, I noticed something about his sleep talking. You need to actually continue a topic that he is actually already talking about then he will respond to it. If not he will basically ignore it. Like in the video, when I ask him to go eat, he doesn't respond. But when I ask what boss we're fighting, what we're doing, he will reply to my question with an actual valid reply. Haha!!!

This was taken yesterday, inside Zul'Gurub (an end-game instance in World of Warcraft, before we began the battle. Like the "title", "Two Night Elfs, Four Gnomes and One Human... Weird Family Combo?"

The above was taken by the "photographer", Ahsahei!

Ok this was suppose to be posted like 2 days ago, but well, I'm not explaining. Anyway, here it is folks! Ahsahei and "The Beast"!

Today is the day of the final reveal as well as final decision, and I guess my decision is amazingly clear. What can I say, Ahsahei aka Steven FTW!

After much thought, I decided to tell my dear dear what I was thinking and why I've been so gloomy (basically if he read my blog he would have known as well). This afternoon, he dropped me a message saying he wouldn't drop me a surprise. After receiving the surprise, make my decision, then let him know what the decision is.

Well, I kinda made him wait at the pool for roughly 2 hours. It is not intentional, I didn't know he already dropped the gift off at my doorstep.

The gift...

I was messaging a friend asking for luck for tomorrow's paper as well as saying "enjoy your trip" kinda message cause he's out field. He called back and we had a short chat. Told him about the new guild I found for our guildies, other then that nothing much else was said, hanged up real soon after.

I was finally able to call Prissy in Aussie, really miss her alot. As usual she gave the very "shuang kuai" advice, which I almost decided to take. However, Lyon (aka Shooterankv) saved that day. I saw a message he sent after we hang up that he was patching back with Ada. Quite a shock but nevertheless I somewhat happy for him. Then I started thinking, if he and Ada could get back together after all that, there's no reason why things can't change for the better with me and Ahsa.

Honestly, I'm really shocked with the message, but very curious how it happened. Is it really possible that a relationship can be saved after every bad thing that happened? I'm desperate to find out what and how. But nevertheless I'm so glad my friend found happiness.

* Updated... 07/06/2006 1.20AM

I'm officially doom...

It's been like 3 months since the new term started and for the past 3 months I've been doing coming NOTHING. I'm so screwed this time. Tomorrow morning my exams starts and guess what, I have yet to even start studying. Good game Sab!

Damn... so much have been happening I don't know what my brain must have been thinking. Sigh. I wish the sun won't come out tomorrow and I wouldn't have to face the question paper.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Earth calling Jessy/Sab do you even know what the hell you've been doing? The books are right there beside your damn keyboard! What the hell are you waiting for?

I'm seriously doomed... :(

So to conclude this entry, this is my solution.

Life is full of weird stuff, one day it's great the next day it sucks. I spent a couple of nights basically having my eyes wide open, feeling really weird, but with less then a thought in mind. Something is bothering me, yet I'm not sure what that "thing" is...

As I'm thinking of what to write, thoughts starts popping up into my mind. These are unhappy thoughts of what is happening in what I call "my reality", heart breaking but facts. Probably sitting down and typing has helped trigger what is actually bothering me. In short, it's simply words that was said.

Life is just so strange, knowing that words hurt yet you still can't help but say them. Unfortunately, somethings done can't be undone, time doesn't revert. True, the saying goes forgive and forget, but which mortal can actually successful do such a deed? I'm just a simple mortal, nothing more, nothing less.

My expectations from another person may be less or more then one might expect. I'm not interested in wealth or looks, I'm looking for someone like a "best friend" with that additional spark. Someone that can accept me for who I am, be there to hear me whine, and not deliberately hurt my feelings with words. Is that really too much to ask?

I don't need the physically stars in the sky, all I ask for is to touch the reflection of those stars may it be from a lake, a pond, or even just a pile of water... :)

This is what I conclude about me and food. When I'm unhappy food just doesn't seem to taste right. Not only does it not taste right, I find myself not being able to eat at all.

Today, after my dear left, I tried eating again (cause I'm having serious gastric pains), and after writing my last entry, I puked everything out into the toliet bowl. What a waste of resources...

This must be some kind of psychological problem, I haven't exactly eaten for the past 3 days. And now I've wasted a perfectly good meal. In a way I should be glad, this will give me a chance to lose some weight.

Like my previous entry, I feel my heart dropping, the fear of not being able to delivery what is being assked of me seems to be affecting my body's system. I just simply feel sick, though my fever has already died.

At least if I can't eat, I can sleep? No... Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be working for me either. After hanging up the phone till this very moment, I can't seem to sleep either. Something seems to be bothering me, though I can't really explain what it is.

How should I put it, everything in this universe changes, I guess I have changed as well. Probably this is just poor timing, or cause by some influences that I can't explain. Nevertheless, it has happened, and can't be reverted back to what it was before.

I wouldn't say it's a change of heart, more like realizing my heart. I do love him, but it's just not the same anymore. I don't know if I can keep my word and stop being who I am. Afterall, what he's asking is of me is to not be myself. I fear I will be punished for not being able to change myself. On the other hand, I also fear that I might actually change and complete lose who I am. Like living with a mask, not being able to be who you actually are.

Damn it, is living suppose to be so fake? Why can't I be mean when I want to, and be nice when I choose to be? Why do I need to pretend to or remain silent when I feel that guy is a fool? Why can't I be unhappy when someone tells me off?

When I tell someone off, he can choose to get pissed and vent his anger back, and with his reaction I can also choose to completely ignore him. What's wrong with that? Yes, people might hate me, some might accept me, some might just simply adapt and ignore me. Can you choose what people think about you? Ain't true friends those that accept you for who you are?

Okay getting really off point...

The point is, I'm not so sure if I can live with myself not being myself. And what if I can't manage to change myself? Will I be punished for being who I am?

Shouldn't love be, hoping the person you love is happy? If not, than what is love?

Drown me.

Two Chinese Boy - Will Pan's "Unable To Not Love"

This clip is damn cool, got it off the comments in mrbrown's blog. It'll be so much less interesting if you don't understand Cantonese.